Angry Letter

So, my therapist gave me an assignment today. I am supposed to write my dad an angry letter that I don't necessarily intend to send. I presume she meant for this to be a solitary and private endeavour, but fuck it. I got my very own bloggy-address-thing today and I'm gonna use it.

First of all, I do in fact see how trite it is for me to write the Angry Letter With No Intent to Send. What can I say? I guess I'm gonna have to stand up and defend the damn idea. As I learned in my uber-long stay at www.talbottcampus.com - that kind of shit actually works. It does make you feel better. So here it goes....

Dear Dad,

This is supposed to be an angry letter (per my therapist), but I guess I really am not all that angry with you. I'm more angry at myself for having unrealistic expectations of you. I mean, they wouldn't be unrealistic expectations of a good father, a good man. But I can't seem to get it through my head that you don't fit that bill.

[Blog readers beware: tragically funny details of my redneck roots follow]

I am extremely worried about you spending so much time with Drug Dealer #1 and Drug Dealer #1's Ho [Dear Blog Reader: read all about Drug Dealer #1 and Drug Dealer #1's Ho in a forthcoming blog]. First of all, this tells me that you are probably losing a lot of sleep and taking your high blood pressure to task. Maybe now that I am sober you are just afraid to talk to me because you are still using.

Also, you know damn well that Drug Dealer #1's Ho is a crafty bitch around whom you should be watching your back (and your wallet). Hell, we've known her since she was 9, and she's no different than the rest of her skanky sisters. I can't believe that you would deny, with a straight face, that Drug Dealer #1 burned Drug Dealer #2's house down to the ground in two separate "electrical" fires. ShitBuckets!!!!! Drug Dealer #1 is an ELECTRICIAN! [Dear Reader: Drug Dealer #2's Ho is my father's "adopted" daughter and is the sister of Drug Dealer #1's Ho. It's all very complicated. I'd make a flow chart if I were any better at using the blog tools].

I just think you are ashamed of yourself for all the shitty and stupid things you've done this year that made you look dumb and/or hurt me and made me feel rejected and abandoned, including but not limited to

(1) trying to hook it up with Drug Dealer #1's Ho (she's LESS than half your age and you knew her when she was a little tyke for Chrissakes);

(2) giving Drug Dealer #1's Ho my telephone numbers so she could call me and try to sell me a timeshare, after you yourself have not called me or spoken with me in nearly six months (that just blows me away - you are totally thoughtless or just plain stupid or both);

(3) honking up and/or smoking a lot of crappy crank and/or ice with those losers;

(4) refusing to come to family week when I was in rehab;

(5) repeatedlly hanging up on my family therapist while I was in rehab and refusing to participate in my therapy;

(6) never calling me to see how I am since that day you hung up on my therapist back in March;

(7) sinking all your dough into that stupid greenhouse with Drug Dealer #2's Ho and having the whole enterprise fail miserably (just like I said it would);

(8) moving a junky-ass trailer onto the property and destroying the pond view;

(9) getting a cell phone and not even telling me or giving me the number;

(10) not calling me for six months and counting - even after I wrote you a letter;

I could go on...

let me count the ways you've broken my heart...